On Celebrating Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I had this nagging feeling all day that I didn't really feel like "celebrating." Not to suggest that I was upset about something -- the closest word I could find to describe how I was feeling was - undeserving.

Then we took a family trip to the grocery store, and I suddenly became aware of what it was that I was feeling. It had nothing to do with me and feeling "undeserving" of a good mother's day; it was actually a reinvigoration of appreciation for my husband. It's not that I didn't feel like celebrating Mother's Day, it's more so that I had internally redirected my focus on the strength of our relationship. I felt like it should have been a "Parent's Day" instead of a day focused on me.

We were in the checkout lane, and the cashier made a comment about how "it was dad's turn to cook" and that I deserved the day off. We chatted about how busy the restaurants were going to be that day, because, as the cashier put it: "the men don't know how to cook, so everyone goes out to eat on Mother's Day." We laughed, paid for our groceries, and then made our way to the car. This was the moment in which it all sunk in: I really did marry the right guy. The reason I don't feel like I "deserve" a mother's day where everyone caters to me on hand and foot is because I NEVER feel that I am the sole person responsible for caring for our family and tending to our household. I'm so incredibly blessed to have a husband that shares all of that work WITH me! We BOTH cook (so much for what the cashier said!), we both clean, we both do laundry... we split the work. I never feel unappreciated or that the weight is entirely on my shoulders to take care of our family.

Of course, dividing the overall work equally doesn't mean each person does 50% of each type of chore. There are some things that he owns while other tasks may be primarily done by me. But in the end, we both feel that the split is equal across all of the tasks. I think the format may be different from family to family - maybe one person works full time while the other cares for home and family (which is also a full time job!). Regardless of the distribution of work-work to home-work - the way everything is divided should be a conversation and an agreement between the two people involved. In our scenario, we both work full time so we split all of our home and family efforts. And we periodically discuss who will handle what, and ensure that we both agree that the distribution is fair.

Equality between a pair is an important part of a relationship's foundation, and is intertwined heavily with the respect you give to each other. This counts for marriages, and all other types of relationships, too. I will ensure that my daughters see how their father and I respect each other and treat each other as equals, so that they can apply the same expectations to their relationships (some day in the distant future... maybe I'll allow them to date when they are 25 or so).

And if you are wondering - yesterday was a fantastic Mother's Day. We ran some errands and found ourselves at a hardware store buying random things. We purchased and installed a bird feeder outside, and released 1,500 lady bugs into our yard (partially because they are a natural form of pest control, and partially to watch my girls' faces light up at the sight of 1,500 lady bugs). Then we barbecued, and played all afternoon. It was what we call a "no plans day" - we do whatever we feel like. And it was perfect!

Not an actual photo from yesterday - there were WAY ladybugs than this!

Takeaways:

• All relationships - not just marriages! - should be built upon respect and equality
• If things are not equal - discuss and come to an agreement, together
• Buying and releasing 1500 ladybugs into your yard is as fun as it sounds

Dr. Suess - from an enjoyable writer to a man with a message

When my oldest daughter was born, we started to accumulate books - lots and lots of books. We made reading a regular part of her bedtime routine, and today, it is routine for both girls to be read to before they nod off for the night. I remember feeling very excited when we got our first batch of Dr. Seuss stories. His books were always imaginative and fun to read.

What I thought was particularly interesting in re-reading these stories as an adult was - the stories weren't exactly as I remembered them. Prior to my daughters being born, I can't recall the last time I had read a Dr. Suess story, but I must have been fairly young. Reading them now brought an entirely new perspective. Dr. Suess was a genius! Sure, the crazy creatures, tongue-twisting sentences, and pictures without straight lines were all still there.  But there was one more amazing component to the stories - the messages hidden within them.

How did I not realize this before? I missed out on the subtexts as a child! Green Eggs and Ham was MORE than Sam-I-Am trying annoy the other character (anyone know his name?) to eat the green eggs and ham in random ways. At the end, it turns out the other character LOVES green eggs and ham!  If he had only tried them sooner, he would have known! Moral? Don't knock it until you've tried it.

And Sneetches - those duck-looking creatures that either have stars on their bellies or don't. The ones with the stars treats the ones without stars like they are inferior. They continue acting this way until a scam artist comes along and inadvertently makes them realize that they are all the same, stars or not. Moral? We are all equal. Don't discriminate.

The Lorax is a little more obvious - the Onceler shows up to a beautiful paradise and begins decimating it to turn a profit on some ridiculous clothing. Not only is the environment ruined, but animals go hungry or get sick and have to find new homes to survive. Moral? We need to be more responsible for the environment.

What I'm attempting to point out is that time changes us. We can look back on old things with new eyes and see a refreshed perspective. Whatever thoughts or feelings you may have had in the past does not necessarily mean you will feel the same way now. Open your mind, try to see things from another angle or even from someone else's perspective - in doing so, your life experiences can be more comprehensive and robust.

Takeaways:

• Dr. Seuss is a literary genius (duh).
• Because humans grow and change throughout life, experiencing something a second time may not yield the same perception as the first encounter. Try to approach things with an open mind, and your eyes may see it differently the second time around.